In a perfect world, I wouldn't have to say anything else. But since the majority of the United States sincerely believes that American Idol is a sport worthy of ESPN coverage, I suppose more details are required ;)
The German National Team won their quarterfinal match against Portugal on Friday! Needless to say, the Crew celebrated intensely over the weekend... so much so that J checked into the hospital for mild to moderate hysteria. You'll be glad to know she's doing much now that the pink bats and thorny turtles have left her alone.
Two men enter... one man leaves!
"No, really... I get the feeling something is hanging over my head!"
"Let's see... how does this go again? Left over right, then under, then..."
No, seriously... why aren't we for Portugal?!
Germany didn't waste any time scoring a goal against the team all the talking heads favored to win. Around the 20 minute mark, Schweinsteiger slid one past Portugal old-school style!
Schweinsteiger dropped it like a toilet seat!
Pleased with the goal but without anyone to beat the hell out of, Schweinsteiger punched himself in the face repeatedly. Luckily, he's used to being pummeled so his performance was not affected.
"WHO'S YOUR DADDY?!?!? No, really... is he here? No? Can I have your number? Do you like techno?"
The Portugese fans were less than thrilled... especially the Italians who disguised themselves and pretended to be from Portugal to get into the game.
A desperate art shot from J.
Klose had an out-of-body experience following an injury. Viewing the scene from above, he wondered why the referee was checking his watch. He tried to explain that he was really injured but spirits don't have lips. Disgruntled, he returned to fleshy form and directed his aggression toward the Portugese.
Upset over the near loss of his teammate, Ballack kicked it up a notch.
J jumped up for an art shot but just couldn't make it in time. In the process, she tripped over 3.5 liters of Warsteiner just in front of her (for decorative purposes only, of course) and twisted her ankle. She is recovering nicely and is already putting together better logistics for next week's match.
The referee, on the other hand, saw everything and now harbors a secret passion that must never be told.
Ballack SMASH!!!
Upset with Germany's invincible defense, Ronaldo gave the universal sign for "OMFG!!! I need a drink!!!"
The Portugese coach seemed a bit, um... depressed ;)
"Lady, listen to me... if you say we are going to lose one more time, I will throw you off the balcony. Do you understand me?!" His wingman shot the woman a distinct he's-totally-serious-yo stare and muttered an indecipherable Steven Seagal quote.
"All day, baby... all day!"
The German lead helped Hans and Dieter emerge from a deep depression over not having enough face paint. "Do not worry, Hans... they think it means 'GER!' like a victory cry!"
Schweinsteiger made a mental note of fans that weren't cheering so he could beat them up later.
"You know guys... the banner was an awesome idea but maybe we should have hung it up after the game was over so we could actually see what's going on."
Mertesacker tried desperately to keep the ball out of the goal using the mighty power of his lungs!
Lehmann took a hit in the second half and decided to use the time to calculate how many parties he would have time to attend after they won.
"A little higher please... higher... just kiddin'! I'm fine."
J took advantage of an injured Lehmann to snag a proper art shot.
The Portugese were quite disappointed and looked to the Earth for consolation.
A humiliated Portugese fan hid his puppet in shame.
Ronaldo considered plastic surgery.
Originally intending to congratulate the Portugese on a good match, Ballack decided to just be himself and shouted, "Dude... we totally kicked your ass!"
Schweinsteiger dreamed of the riots he could join later in Underground Berlin.
Mama was completely surprised to hear the news of Germany's victory!
Now it's on to the Wednesday semifinal with Turkey!
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